Do it 'til we reach consensus!

The Admissions Committee of Earlham College has reviewed your application and is pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to the College for the 2009 spring semester. Congratulations and welcome to Earlham!

I hopped into the car today and found myself reaching out to grab a FedEx envelope that was being handed to me. Teared it open and ended up reading (after a quick glimpse for certain key words such as 'congratulations') an acceptance letter into Earlham College. I received an acceptance from Mizzou yesterday via email so now I feel bad about having to reject them. Oh well. The letter from Earlham was brilliant in my opinion and the emails following it with the Director of International Student Admissions just proved how much I know i'm going to love this school. I can't wait!

[Images from www.earlham.edu]

World Diabetes Day... a day late

I would not call what went on this morning a 'marathon' but regardless, the fact that such an event existed is quite promising. From the draw at the end I would say approximately 4,500 pedestrians/bikers took place in the 3km (6km for some) 'marathon'. The weather was great, and the energy that was radiated from the bunch was brilliant. Not to mention that for the first time in my life, I won something from a raffle. No, it was not an Acer laptop, a plasma screen nor a theatre system but a... refrigerator. Yes. A refrigerator. Quite amusing really, especially considering that I was not even paying attention to the tickets being drawn towards the end. My little sister had to knock me sideways in order for me to realise that I just missed my number being called. Anyway, I have already asked my dad if we were in need of a refrigerator and with his answer being no, we settled on selling it. The cash made from it will be dumped into my savings so I have that little boost on the whole never-ask-parents-for-money-in-college thing.

One thing is slightly puzzling me though. How come no one on Safat posted news regarding this event? I just recall one post in the past few days but thats about it.

On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month...

Two minutes of silence.

[It appears I have lost the pin that attaches my poppy to my shirt. hmph.]

We both know that I could think myself dizzy

I'm sincerely hoping that sooner or later I wont be leaving month long gaps between my posts.

Everything is moving unbelievably fast I can't imagine I ever went on about my tedious days (i told you so's may be in session as of now). About 15- 20 hours of my week is spent volunteering at a certain 'Dar' here (thank you! [you know who you are :)]) and the place is absolutely amazing. I am in no way treated as a child, or even a student... but a fellow peer! My opinions, and ideas are taken into serious consideration and they trust me with tasks that are of importance. Some of them thought I was already a College graduate, employed there! Which honestly, makes no sense as I don't even look older than 15. But I'm not complaining. It's tiring at times but incredibly exciting.

I have managed to get a hold of a certain teacher who moved to Bahrain to write up my recommendation letter for Earlham. The reason for delaying this process for so long (not so bad as the full application's deadline is Nov 1st) was finding the right teacher. I do not want to walk into a College that expects more of me, but rather, one that will challenge me to succeed above my limits. Whatever they may be, judged and determined by me. To know my strengths AND my flaws- even if one or the other is minimal. Basically, not be the 'ideal' or 'perfect' student. I know I'm not a horrible student, and I know my grades aren't horrendous but I needed honesty. So I was pretty much right on track when part of his response had the following, although to call me a 'perfect student' is a tad extreme in my opinion. I guess that defines anyone who doesn't give you a hard time:

However, be aware: my reputation with american colleges is important to me, and them: I don't lie. The truth will be told! But, you have little to be worried about as you were a perfect student!

Overall, after completing the reference, his reply was:

Made you sound like a mixture of Maggie Tulliver and Ludwig Wittgenstein. You'll walk in. Good luck!

... ah, how I miss literature class.

Or more importantly, how much I miss him right now. Shall we call him 'the boy' from hereon? I'll give it a shot. The boy is not the mentioned teacher, mind you. I'll get into that some other time, perhaps.

Hm, I think my blogging style is changing by the post. For better or worse I'm not quite sure yet.

I'm pissing all of my bullets about...

I'm afraid the next 3 months is going to perfectly depict hell for me. I have nothing to do, and it's getting quite irritating. I already volunteered to help out with the schools yearbook (ran into the teacher in charge/ she asked for my help/ she'll give me a call after Ramadan) which is great but it wont exactly fill up my days. Two other friends of mine in the same fix wanted to help out at the local animal shelter here too, but the only problem is the distance between them and us. So we're/I'm at a loss. What luck.

And it appears a sibling of mine has found her way into the blogging world. Not the first I assure you but surely the most clueless out of the two. Her first post was a basic 'introduction' and she practically spilled her life story on there (names of family members, her current school, etc). I had to sit her down and talk her through the 'rules of the blogging world'; a task which I never foresaw myself doing but found quite amusing (apart from the objections to why I won't link her to my 'nonexistent' blog [i lied, sue me. Honestly, just because I know things doesn't necessarily mean I'm involved in them too. Hah. It was a valid argument!]). Strictly speaking, it's fine if you want to pour yourself all over the pages (after all, your life story is up for grabs on facebook) but there is a limit, and you can't cross it. Especially in Kuwait.

As for family, I finally added that brother of mine on Skype. I haven't talked to him willingly in the past year so let us see how long this lasts. At the moment he's simultaneously complaining about the workload and praising the parties at his university in the US. This most likely being his sad attempt to sell me off to his large state university. Not my type of thing at all. He knows it, yet he never stops.

Seven.

Time is running out and I have about 3/4 months to finish everything and anything that is required of me for University.

In terms of applications, I'm going to have to rely on the MOHE to apply to the universities I want. Here's to hoping that they don't screw up! The reason for this is that even if I decide to apply to a university on my own from the credited list up at Kuwait Culture, I have to tell them which university I'm applying to so they apply too. Which honestly, is ridiculous because I don't think any university accepts two applications from one student. And I'd really rather not take the risk and have a confusion (and thus, delay) in the whole process, so I might as well go with them. A friend of mine turned in the needed documents a month or so ago and already received his acceptance into the American University in D.C. So they can't be that bad.

Basically everything is done on my part but the personal statement, medical (which I shall sit through tomorrow morning) and getting my recent A Level grades credited by the British Council cause I might as well use them. I'm still a tad dodgy about the personal statement though. I wrote along to Earlham's description of what they want in a personal statement, and I'm content with it, but I'm afraid summer drained any ounce of creative and intellectual muse I had in me within the school year. I guess that is what happens when you go from writing a mix of history/literature/geography essays every day to nothing for months. I'd post my statement here and ask for your opinions, but I'm afraid it'll be run through some processor for plagiarism and be caught. Any thoughts on this?

So, In This Hour...

Why aren't you making this easier for me? I wish you would. You're suppose to. It's what you do best, isn't it? Just get fucking settled there and come back to me. I need you.

28 days later and I still feel as if the air has been knocked out of me.

------------

Kuwait Culture has not made my applying to university any easier. Out of the 17 universities I'm permitted to apply to, 7 are only applicable for a Masters degree. The rest are either shit, or require me to enter in fall '09. Which I do not want. Leaving 3, which are:

Earlham College: Indiana
Guilford College: North Carolina
University of Missouri- Columbia: Missouri

I'm practically in love with Earlham College. It's a national, selective Quaker liberal arts college with a small student body. Its Peace & Global studies program is one of the best in the nation. And about 70% of its students study abroad (they have amazing study abroad opportunities.) I've read nothing but good reviews about the College, its primary con being that the College itself is in the middle of nowhere (Richmond, Indiana). Which honestly, I'm fine with as I believe the people make the place and if luck permits, I'll find the right crowd. Earlhams campus is breathtaking. Words enough can't describe how beautiful it is. Honestly.

Best of all, International students cannot apply for Spring term. After sending an email to them explaining my situation, I was permitted to apply for Spring '09! Which I'm in the process of doing!

As for Guilford and Mizzou. They're hopefully safety/backup schools I wont have to ever attend. Especially after coming across Earlham.

I apologize

Sorry about the unexpected hiatus. I've just moved into a new house and it's been quite hectic. Thanks to the highly reliable Global Direct, the internet has just been administered to us rather than the promised 28th of July. Apart from that, plenty has happened but I prefer not to get into that just yet.

Spin another bottle in a low-lit room

Truth? Dare? Either way, we have ourselves a winner instead. This game of luck has luckily ran out. I'd rather receive than ask.

2:10 this afternoon. I received an sms from the MOHE congratulating me on my acceptance into their scholarship program. My major? The first (and only) choice I put down because I thought to myself, it's this or nothing. They deemed me crazy for doing so, and I even had to write down 'I only registered for one major' and sign it... apparently it has never happened before. I guess there's always a first. Destination? US of A.

I would have to say apart from getting what I wanted, I'm happy I didn't play dirty and work up some wasta. Not that we would anyway but there is something in that. My dad, like any other Kuwaiti, does have connections but he, unlike them, dislikes wasta immensely. Simply because he does not like granting favours for people and so chooses not to ask for any to begin with. He prefers to play by the rules and believes you will get what you want/deserve in the end if you work for it. For once, I agree with him.

What's next? I'm not quite sure, but I believe it involves a series of vaccinations and form/application filling. Yippe.

Cut! Print It

After running about for hours collecting documents here, getting some stamped and signed there, I am finally done with opening a scholarship account with the ministry.

The private education building was a joke. Three hours was spent there. The first to convince them that the school I attended abroad actually exists, the second was to do more of what was mentioned above, and the third to get photocopying done. Only in Kuwait will you find grown men shoving a 17 year old girl aside and 'slipping' the photocopier guy KD0.250 to get some copying done ahead of everyone. It was pathetic. I waited 'in line' (alone, my father is out of the country) for 30mins and they just kept cutting ahead. When I spoke, they simply ignored me. After that the guy handling the machine went away because clearly he was getting annoyed. You then had a bunch of alpha-males throw themselves at the machine trying to work it. They ended up jamming it and then staring at the thing for 10 mins, pressing buttons, banging the machine... basically not knowing what they were doing (oh no! apparently removing the plug from the wall socket and putting it back in didn't work the damn thing!) I politely asked to get through, fixed the thing up, ended up copying a dozen or so papers for this sweet old man who was behind me the whole time (who also kept speaking up about 'letting the little girl who was waiting forever copy her stuff' but was ignored as well) and then my stuff. Afterwards, the alpha-males shoved papers at me to copy, expecting me to do it for them. No pleases. Nothing. Just a 'copy yallah'

Boy, were they wrong.

Almost... lovers?

Pushing the cover aside, her fingers lightly brushed over the glossy paper. Her eyes devoured the vivid colours that brought her pain and pleasure. Pleasure in the talent and devotion taken to create them. Pain when her mind turned to reflect on the past, and the period in which she acquired the works of art.

Familiar names sprang to life. She did not know them, they were merely familiar in the sense that she could match the artist with the piece. As the pages turned, one particular name caught her eye.

In bold blue font, was the name of a man she had come to know so well. Too well.

And then, it hit her. She was dumbstruck.

Years ago, the name before her was one of a complete stranger. She did not know who he was, or where he was from. Whether he enjoyed summer days, or winter nights. How old he was, or how he liked his tea. At present, the name printed on the paper struck something within her. Something deep, surreal, and extraordinary. Something she could never think to live without. He use to be a nobody, a nothing. Now, he meant the world to her.

A smile touched her lips as she sacredly closed the booklet.

His work once swept her off her feet. As it appears, he has as well.

The irony of it all.

Blind to what you hear

You're right. You were in the wrong to gain custody of us six years ago. It's good to hear that you finally admit to it.

Now tell me, about that so-called serious, adult-like talk we had earlier. Are you bluffing? Or do you really want to get rid of me? This whole i-taught-you-now-you-roam-free is a bunch of bullshit to my ears. It reeks too.

But to hell with that. Like I said, I don't give a damn. Not anymore. This approach fits too. Me being a bad influence over your new daughter and all.

A or B?
Two weeks to decide.

Prostitution. Gambling. Drinking. Cheating.

I'm tired of hearing them throw these goddamn insults at each other. It has gotten to the point where I don't give a damn and I'd rather you 'adults' sort your problems amongst yourselves. Principles? You think I don't have them? Why not take a hard look at yourself and then talk. Quit acting like children, and quit living in the friggin past. You've both moved on, and its crystal clear; you with your new marriage and child and the other with a fiancé. Or do you do it to simply spite the other? Truth be told, that wouldn't surprise me at all. It'd just merely be another failure to add to your list of childish maneuvers.

And for Gods sake, leave me out of it! I'm not a message carrier, and vengeance isn't my forte. Frankly, I've put up with this for far too long and I just want to get the hell out of here. Never have I thought 'oh please let mommy and daddy be happy again..together.' Hell, when were you two ever? All I have to thank you for is a joyous and wonderful childhood (if only i had one.) Too bad neither of you were ever there and when you were, were too absorbed in your fighting and drinking to ever take notice. Then again, perhaps I'm being selfish (as you always deem me to be.) After all, you did put food on my plate and send me off to a decent school. So really, thank you for that.

But all this? I'm done with it.

Also, that little remark of yours?
Tell her this is war and you girls will be put in the middle of it
Why thank you, I didn't know you cared so much as to directly involve the welfare of your children. Really, it's an honour sir.

Life as we know it...

Forget the confinement of your home, your high school, your family and friends. You have been smothered for far too long, and it is time to take that step forward. To trudge your way into the real world. To start living life.

I'm ready, are you?

Stop & Stare

I went for it, and it was utterly amazing. Fruition? Tis nonexistent. I can't get enough. It's driving me mad.

How on earth is that even possible at this point? After all this long?

Please don't let this one go.

Cheers, Darlin'

I don't know if i should keep hanging on, and waiting, wishing, praying for you to come back. To be as we were, as we should be, as we promised and convinced ourselves years ago that we would be. I miss you. God, how much i miss you. I want to make that move, to do something to show that i care, but will that be enough? Is it ever enough?

I've been let down once, should i go for a second then hopefully, third time will have it's charm? Is the humiliation, and pain worth it? It should be, just as long as things turn back to what they once were.

But I'm scared, I'm scared that you will (further) push me away. That you will learn to live without me (you possibly have) and everything that we were, will mean nothing, will be nothing. Just a distant memory that you blame yourself for wasting precious years of your life on.

I will make that move, but when the time is right, in a few weeks time i say. You have your problems right now, and i don't want to be the reason behind further distress. Maybe, just maybe, you will believe me this time around.

You're in love with love…

Does one truly fall in love, or are we merely infatuated with the idea of it? Convincing oneself that this one person can cause you to soar so high above the ground, you lose yourself completely. That their flaws are seen as perfection in your eyes, and even their lies are beautiful.

Perhaps this line of thought works both ways, or is it always a one-way street?

A New Beginning?

Nope, simply a transition.

For 2 1/2 years or so I have been blogging over at Livejournal. As it was not open to the public, I was able to be myself.. literally. It was created solely as a tool to use in order to reflect back on my past. However, that does not appear to be the case anymore.

I don't know where I plan to go with this, or why Blogger when Livejournal could do the job just as well. But i do know that in here, I can't be judged by my past, or for being who I am. And that's considered a tick in my books.

Who knows, perhaps I'll carry on over at LJ, or maybe this sudden urge for a change will fade. At the moment this just feels right, and rather than ignoring that, I have decided I'm going to take a deep breath and plunge in.